4 Questions, 4 Generations of Ladyfriends interviews by Steph "Ladyfriend" Levi When I asked the women in my family if I could interview them, their answers alone were an interesting example of the way four generations of women operate differently. "Huh?!" my great-grandmother, 102 in July 2002, bleated. "Now why would I want to do that? Well, sure," my grandmother, 79, said with some suspicion. "Oh honey! Interview me! Yeah, sure, yeah!" my mom, 48, sang like she was leading a crew middle aged massage therapists in a suburban run of "Cabaret." This interview is more than four women of different generations answering the same questions. This interview tells four different stories. All of us in are in different places, literally and figuratively. All of us clearly bound together as well, dipping pain in sugar to serve it up with a napkin and a smile, hoping you enjoy the ride and often-incoherent stories we tell as much as we all enjoyed telling them. BIG MAMA: The official interview My great-grandmother, who emigrated to the US in 1900 from Russia to Atlanta, answered her questions over a bland meal at Covenant House nursing home, her friends Frida and Anna in tow to throw in their two cents. Called Big Mama by those who love her and a few who don't, She took breaks between Saltines to crack jokes in her thick southern drawl. Hey big mama, how are you? What have you been doing these days? Everybody I can. Oy. Let's start the interview. What is the most important thing you've learned in life? To meet men. In my life I had men look at me. I would find a way to get introductions to them. Get the person who told you thatask her to get him to call you and somehow or another get him to see you around. You got to go with everybody! You're a beautiful girl, cut in! I got mo' mind than twenty! I got no money, a lotta time! Sometime if you meet someone say, 'why don't you come over sometime? Have a co-cola?' Frida: I learned to get along with people. Anna: Listen, I always mind my own business. Oh, that's good advice. What advice can you give me about the men? Big Mama: If one of them tries to bother you, say, 'I don't mind somebody fine and nice, but not funny.' I ran into one guy and he said, 'what do you do?' I said, 'nothin'.' I said, 'what about you?' He said, 'the same thing.' I said, 'well, let's get together, maybe we can find somethin' to do. I hope you find one like I had one day. This young man came in right behind me and I said, 'what do you want?' He said, 'nuthin'. I just saw you in that pretty dress and I wanted to tell you how good you look in it.' I said, 'well, sit down.' And he kept coming in [every day]. But I didn't want to marry him. He was a beautiful man though.' ( Note: This "suitor" was later confirmed to be nursing home volunteer Sid Grove, who is 60-ish.) Anna: Keep away from them. Frida: No comment! How do you feel about your Mother? Big Mama: Fine. I miss her. She was very good. She very much loved everybody. What's the most exciting thing that ever happened to you? Big Mama: When I met my husband. We went together for a week and a half and then we got married. What's the most important event in history that affected you? Big Mama: Nothin' affected me! Frida: The wars. They were terrible for us. SUGAR: The definitive interview My grandmother, Sugar, still a glamorous version of Scarlet O'Hara, answered hers in the presence of her brother, Nat, and his wife Joan, also at the home on another day, my great-grandmother nodding off in her wheelchair in the background. Are you ready? Sugar: Yeah, Sure! (Dragged out southern style"shoooer.") What is the most important thing you've learned in life? Mind your own business. Save your money. Stay out of trouble. Joan and Nat: Family is the most important thing, without it you have nothing. Life is too short to worry about things. A good friend of ours died young. We learned that quick and early. What advice can you give me about the men? Don't get married, have a career. Have a career is what I say!! Uncle Nat: Don't let anyone pull the wool over your eyes. When you're heart's broken, you say 'I lost my first love!' What do you do? Well, you run and find someone else. But don't let them fool you. It's easy to believe anything when you're heart's broken. How do you feel about your mother? Fine. Uncle Nat: I think all my problems started with my mother. Sugar: I know mine did! Aunt Joan: And I'm sure mine did! (All laugh.) Joan to Big Mama: Do you remember my mother? Uncle Nat to Big Mama: You remember her! You two went out and got drunk one night. (Big Mama seems oblivious to these queries). Uncle Nat: Mother kept the family together. She'd get mad as hell and not speak to us, but she kept the family together. Now my father's mother, she was a good woman. She made lye soap, cooked the clothes in a kettle to clean them, I mean, she was old style. She was a good lady. Aunt Joan: My mother could've chosen five dollars for meat for my wedding or a dollar and a half for chicken. So for 50 people we had chicken. No cake, no pictures, and then the best man was standing up there with his zipper down. Uncle Nat: Joan's mother gave each of [our sons] three hundred dollars. We were so excited. Then she called us a month later and says, 'I need that money back!' (Laughs.) Sugar: And I suppose you sent it back? Uncle Nat: Yeah. Sugar: Well you're a fool! (Pronounced "fewl"these are southerners!) What's the most exciting thing that ever happened to you? Sugar: I don't know. Nothing. (I remind her that she's met Barry Manilow and Frank Sinatra). Naw, that ain't nothing. Now climbing into bed every night, that's exciting! Uncle Nat: Getting married to my wife! You think I'm going to say anything else? Aunt Joan: When my first child was born. I was so happy with that baby. JOANNE LEVI (La Madre): The exclusive interview My mom answered her questions after dinner in her creativity room, a room in her miniature house where she makes jewelry, paints, writes, and commits other acts of self-exploration, such as meditation. Mom: Okay, baby! Let's go! God, okay. What's the most important thing you've learned in your life? The most important thing I've learned in my life is to stand up for myself. To say what I mean, mean what I say, and you know, take care of myself and trust my own feelings. What advice can you give me about the men? Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. If your body says, "this guy's an idiot," go with it. Don't disregard that, saying, "but this guy's cute." The guy's an asshole and you're going to waste your time. Sometimes you have to overlook people's stupidity, act like you're deaf. You have to overlook it because they're good but they're acting stupid. Okay I'll shut up. How do your feel about your mother? Boy that's a loaded question. I love my mother, I think she's the most beautiful woman that ever lived, and I'll leave it at that. What's the most exciting thing that ever happened to you? I got my first job. What was it? At Elder Beerman [a department store in Dayton, Ohio]. I couldn't believe that someone would hire me because I had never had a job and no experience, you know, I was so excited because I did Dress for Success, so my nylons matched the hem of my skirt (Dress for Success is this book that told you how to dress to be successful in a job). What they taught me was that, well, everything should match, I wore a basically suit. And it depended on if you were going to be interviewed by a man or a woman. A man wouldn't care but a woman is going to notice. It was just so great to have this job at this department store. I did it on my own merit, no one put a good word in for me, I got $3.50 an hour. I bounced all over the house when I got it because I didn't think I could do anything. Well, now I make between 50-100 dollars an hour (laughs). It gave me confidence that I was, you know, worth something outside of my home. And I just kind of came out my shell. Everybody should work, whether part time or whatever, it's good for them. What event in history affected you the most? Probably the holocaust, because it really made me feel how vulnerable I was because of who I was. That somebody could hate me so much or hate a group of people so much that I was a part of and they don't even know these people, it just scared me a lot. You know, here's this civilized society, it was overwhelming and scary to see what happened there. It was overwhelming to see the films in Sunday school. It made me feel like I didn't want to live, like I didn't want to be a part of this group. It's not like your haircolor, like something you could change. And all those people who diedit justit made me think that if my grandparents hadn't have come here when they did, we could have been a part of that, who knows. STEPHANIE: Nowhere else but here My self-interview was conducted alone, on a hot Friday night in Chicago, dreaming of the air con- ditioner I ordered to help buffer me from the bone- crushing heat that plagued my tiny apartment that evening. What's the most important thing I've learned so far? Steph:To understand what I'm supposed to learn from every experience I encounter. To do what I think is right and correct in every situation, even if that involves pain. I've learned to quit self-sabotaging by believing in personal or intellectual weaknesses that don't exist, and deal with the ones that do as best I can. What advice can I give someone about the boys? Not too much, they tend to be big lame-Os to me. Most of the guys I've come across aren't worth all the fuss. Don't trust them too easily, I've found that they don't usually warrant it, but that's been my experience. I need more advice than I can give. How do I feel about my mother? She is adorable, she is a good mom, I know she's done the best she can and she could have done a lot worse. She can frustrate the living hell out of me sometimes. I love her very much and promise not to stick her in a home, as per her greatest fear. What's the most exciting thing that ever happened to me? Getting a full scholarship to college. Graduating from college, and getting a bunch of honors. Discovering that I liked science. What event in history affected me the most? To be totally honest, I can't pin down just one thing, because what happens to one is interconnected, really and truly, with what happens to all. To give a short answer, and probably shortsighted one, the development of third wave feminism has a pretty big impact on the way I think and live my life. Of course, all of history/herstory affects us, even (especially) the things we don't know about. My mom gives closing advice from all of us: Wake up each day as if there's been no yesterday, and face the day with hope and inspiration and be happy. Don't live in the past, live in the present; don't anticipate the future too much, because you might be disappointed. So be happy in the moment. |
